The Biggest Mistake We all Make in our Communication

Last week I talked about how communication makes or breaks any relationship. Effective communication can be the key to resolving issues, overcome obstacles together, and understand each other . On the other hand, I have seen when couples feel like they can’t get their point across, then a lot of problems can arise. It isn’t a straight line to walk and it takes time to learn how to walk this tight rope but when you do, life can be blissful.

I asked the same question on my instagram that ‘What do you think is the most important thing in a relationship’ and I got a lot of interesting answers. Understanding, trust,loyalty and respect were some of the common responses along with communication. The importance of one cannot be denied over the other. I think everything just goes hand in hand. Like if you’re talking but not with respect, very soon, things can get ugly.

But what I feel is if you’re not even talking, then where do other things fit in. Messy right? Relationships are. You need to be able to be vocal about your likes, dislikes and concerns with the other person and respect their boundaries too. It’s a two way thing. Not every time it can be expected that one spouse will be on the listening end, sometimes you need to lend an ear as well. Otherwise relationships start feeling like a burden and can very soon go towards the dreaded path of abuse and breakup. One person cannot carry the burden of two, for very long.

So what are we doing wrong when we are trying to communicate with someone or our significant other? We are listening to respond. We are only hearing them out while our mind is wandering elsewhere or we’re just forming our response. We are not really listening to understand them. We are more concerned about them understanding us and not the other way around. If you just pause, breathe and try to change your narrative to understanding them, it might make a difference.

So, if you are willing, here are some tips to follow for effective communication:

-Be attentive and listen to understand

-Clear your mind of your responses

-Try and focus on their perspective

-Stay calm and talk with respect

-Frame your response in a clear and concise way

-Take breaks if the conversation is going in circles and/but come back to it later

It is very important to come back to your argument and conclude it at a later stage if it isn’t over yet. Leaving it hanging can only further the divide and widen misunderstandings.

I hope this was helpful and we all can practice to make our communication better and effective. I’d love to know how you make your communications effective!

This One Thing Can Make or Break Your Relationship

Relationships are hard and messy.

We may think and want them to be smooth sailing, bringing us joy forever but the thing with human behavior and emotions is, that it’s often unpredictable. Enjoying easy going relationships is something that we have to create, seldom does it come naturally.

When we treat our relationships as third grade citizens, they are going to give us the same kind of attitude. If you think that putting down your spouse or shadowing them is going to create any kind of harmony between you two, because that’s how most relationships in our society roll like, then you’re completely wrong. To create that joy and understanding in relationships you need to push your spouse at the front of the line and cheer for them the loudest. Your spouse should be the person who has solid trust in you that you are there for them through thick and thin.

In most relationships that I have observed, I feel like communication is the one and only thing that either makes it great to have a spouse or makes your marriage the worst nightmare you are in. Talking mindlessly or forcefully just for the sake of it, does not count as communicating, and sometimes can often lead to disaster rather than an effective tool to come closer. Also, most often, talking frequently creates more misunderstanding rather than understanding. Assumptions like you both will get along well if you share the same interests or if you are both introverts or extroverts, all take a back seat when it comes to the attitude that you have towards your relationship.

If you can’t find it in your heart to try and be more open and understand your spouses perspective and convey to them how you feel about certain things, then it can become really hard. It is also important to give your significant other the space and trust to open up to you about their feelings. Communication in itself is a tricky subject which demands a whole other or maybe tons of blog posts but what I personally feel and believe in, is that if you can communicate and understand each other, you can have a ball every day and if you can’t, well then, welcome to the nightmare of your dreams.

I don’t mean to scare you by saying this, but understand the importance of communication and work on it. Every relationship is different and takes its own time to develop into a beautiful bond.

I would like to know our thoughts on this, and how important do you think communication is in a relationship?

This post focuses on the importance of communication in intimate relationships but I would like to add that it’s equally important in all other kind of relationships to be able to communicate effectively. It is the premise on which the quality of your relationships lie so try and develop it, if its lacking and if you have mastered it, share your thoughts, I would love to know!